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Jul. 16th, 2013 05:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
healingmirthFake Hockey News from Dave Lozo, by way of Backhand Shelf.
3. Staal brothers retire to start boy band.
THUNDER BAY, Ontario – Feeling they have accomplished everything they could in hockey, Eric, Jordan, Marc and…who’s the other one again? Oh right. …and Jared Staal announced at a joint press conference in Thunder Bay, Ontario, that they were giving up hockey to start a four-man musical act that will perform internationally.
“We call ourselves, It’s Staal Right,” said Eric, who along with his siblings took the stage in white shirts, white pants, white shoes, and delivered a four-minute choreographed dance routine before answering the question in a sing-song voice.
“We’ve done everything we can as professional hockey players,” said Jordan. “I have a Cup, Eric has a Cup, Marc has seen us with the Cup and Jared has several plastic souvenir cups he has taken home after watching our games. We have been playing hockey since we were kids, and we decided we need a new challenge.”
It’s Staal Right will begin a six-continent world tour in September. They will also no longer be referred to as their birth names, instead adopting the blueprint that made the Spice Girls so popular in the 1990s. Eric Staal is calling himself Sporty Staal; Jordan will go by Scary Staal; Marc’s new name is Posh Staal and Jared will now be known as Other Staal, making the transition easiest for him.
“Staal power,” the group exclaimed at the conclusion of their press conference which was followed by the first public performance of their song, “Brothers Gotta Hug.”
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Date: 2013-07-18 12:02 am (UTC)oh my god, hilarious ;D
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Date: 2013-07-18 12:25 am (UTC)